Directed by Meredith Edwards and written by Naomi McDougall Jones, Bite Me is a subversive romantic comedy about a subculture of people who believe they are vampires and the IRS agent who has been appointed to audit their church.
We’re introduced to our first protagonist Sarah (Naomi McDougall Jones) as a blue-haired woman with a tattooed face sitting in a bar pointedly ignoring the stares of the other patrons. With a voiceover, she bemoans these “mundanes” and their stares. “There’s that look” she begins as a woman takes a double look upon noticing her. Continuing with her narration she states “they don’t see who I am… and what none of them know, or could ever even guess is that… I am a vampire.”
However, the vampires in this film are not of the supernatural kind, but rather are regular humans who just so happen to drink one another’s blood. As the film goes on we’re introduced to other members of this strange subculture, including Sarah’s two housemates, Chrissy (Naomi Grossman) and Lilly (Mahira Kakkar). In her first introduction, Lily is upset that after revealing her vampire status to her boyfriend he promptly broke up with her. In between sobs, Lily regales how he stated that she can’t be both a Muslim and a vampire, which marks the start of Bite Me‘s bizarre attempts at social commentary.
Contrasting these eclectic and strange characters, we have our second protagonist – IRS agent James (Christian Coulson). James has been given the task of auditing the ‘House of Twilight’ and their claims of Church status and the tax breaks that come with this. James, unlike the vampires, is a pretty normal guy; he goes to work, does his job, and avoids his mother’s phone calls.
Upon their first meeting, Sarah brands James a bigot, arguing that he is prejudiced against her vampiric beliefs. This seems somewhat unfair, who wouldn’t find it weird if someone claimed to be a vampire and took this belief so far they actually drank human blood?
But as their lives become more and more intertwined, Sarah and James begin to understand more about each other and embark on a rather unethical relationship, considering he is still auditing her and her church. Nevertheless despite this, and the whole vampirism thing, you do find yourself rooting for their relationship.
As the film continues, it becomes clear that there is some attempt at social commentary present – it just isn’t entirely clear what the film is trying to say. At one point, Chrissy begins talking about she wants to publicly “come out” as a vampire, mentioning “civil disobedience” and the actual liberation campaigns this has worked for. Mentioning real civil rights movements feels somewhat tone-deaf in a film where the characters seem to mostly want their blood-drinking to be accepted by society.
The film’s saving grace ultimately comes in the form of Coulson, whose portrayal of the IRS agent takes the film from one star to a solid two-star watch. Coulson brilliantly shows the awkwardness and insecurity felt by James. Post-divorce and lonely, James has begun living with his religious co-worker Faith (Annie Golden) but with no real religious beliefs of his own, James finds himself in between a vampire and a Christian.
Edwards and Jones’s bizarre film is certainly an original take on the rom-com genre and vampires, but something in the execution of this tale just falls short. Perhaps, Bite Me‘s attempts at social commentary when ultimately it may have been better just focusing on the comedy of individuals who believe they’re vampires, and their church being audited by the IRS.
Bite Me will be available for digital download from 8th February.
Rating: 
Director: Meredith Edwards
Stars: Christian Coulson, Naomi McDougall Jones, Naomi Grossman, Annie Golden, Harrold Surrat, Antino Crowley-Kamenwati, Mahira Kakkar, Mia Romero, Cynthia Mace
Runtime: 83 minutes
Country: USA
