Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)
Oh, come on, you knew it was only a matter of time until I got to this one.
Now, as many who know me will not need reminded of, there are many times when I’m just a little immature. I like to think of myself as acting like someone full of optimism and a sense of fun but others just all me childish. Fine. It is my childishness that allows me to look forward to movies like this one. It is also that same lack of adult cynicism that keeps me hoping for better things during a disappointing opening section that leads on to a disappointing middle and unexciting ending.
The movie is, unsurprisingly, summed up in the title. That is its selling point and that’s all it is about. Some nuns are being used to make drugs and when things go wrong they’re easily disposed of. All of this is overseen by nasty gang types and sleazy priests all making good money from the operation and with nobody trying to stop them until the main nun (Asun Ortega) with the big guns comes along.
The main problem that this movie has is that director and co-writer and producer Joseph Guzman clearly wants to be Robert Rodriguez but we already have Robert Rodriguez and he’s already very good at what he does. Guzman isn’t as accomplished and so homages and references become clumsily-inserted steals. There’s at least one scene that feels lifted from Desperado, Lindsay Lohan in Machete actually made for a more badass nun with a gun, the score by Dan Gross is reminiscent of the work done on Planet Terror except for the fact that it’s far inferior. Oh, and it made me scowl more than smile to see a nude bar here named “The Titty Flicker” (need I even mention the movie that’s an obvious nod to?).
The acting is pretty wooden from everyone involved, the violence and nudity become surprisingly dull surprisingly quickly and then you’re left with nothing but the odd, fleeting moment of entertaining grittiness that just makes you wish you had revisited Guzman’s previous movie (Run! Bitch Run!) instead. David Castro is okay as Chavo but it’s Xango Henry who leaves the most unpalatable, unforgettable impression as the down and dirty Kickstand – nobody else is worth noting, even Ortega in the lead role, sadly.
Some fans of the grindhouse and exploitation flicks of yesteryear have loved this film but I’d advise anyone considering it to dig out some other gems instead. This is just a high-concept film that doesn’t deliver anything else.
DIRECTOR: JOSEPH GUZMAN
STARS: ASUN ORTEGA, DAVID CASTRO, XANGO HENRY
RUNTIME: 89 MINS APPROX