Yeah, yeah, like you didn’t all know I was dying to see this one as soon as I saw the trailer on YouTube HERE.
At once both the pinnacle and the nadir of a particularly neglected and unloved subgenre of modern monster movies featuring giant sharks, mega piranha and many other beasts on land, in sea or of the flying variety, Sharktopus is a whole heap of fun for those (like myself) who continue to view such things as logical descendants of the films of Bert I. Gordon mixed with a hundred other B-movies.
But how do I actually form this review? I mean . . . . is anyone expecting me to detail the laughably simple sequence of events that are passed off as a plot? Just thinking about the minor details makes me grin like a Cheshire Cat. Eric Roberts is the bossy scientist who, within minutes of the movie beginning, loses his latest creation. The S-11 is a hybrid of shark and octopus with a laser-guidance system on its head. When that laser-guidance system is knocked off the beast goes off on a bitey-bitey-kill rampage while some people try to track it down and kill it (though nobody from any actual organised authority, mind you). Kerem Bursin is Andy Flynn, the man called in to catch the beast alive before the bodycount rises, and Sara Malakul Lane is Nicole Sands, the scientist’s daughter who is fairly brainy herself and should be able to help get things back under control. And, wouldn’t you just know it, beneath those IQ-signifying spectacles she may be quite cute too.
This isn’t one of those movies that goes for subtlety. This film shows the beast from the very beginning and, for better or worse, continues to show it whenever it gets the chance. Which is surprisingly often. Considering the aim and obvious limitations of the project, you have to admire the people involved for keeping things going at a brisk pace while also throwing in the usual soap-opera elements that these TV movies so often have.
Directed by Declan O’Brien (who has been involved with a few of these types of movies and who also helmed the third Wrong Turn film, which I have yet to see) and written by Mike MacLean (who previously penned the brilliantly-titled Dinocroc Vs. Supergator that, yes, I MUST see), the two men have the defence that if you know anything about this movie in advance and then watch the thing and find yourself complaining . . . . . you really only have yourself to blame.
Terrible FX work (though in places I admit it was almost good okay), pretty poor acting, a cast of supporting characters you just end up waiting to see get eaten and one ridiculous scene after another. There’s no denying that the movie is made up of all these things. There’s also no denying that if you watch this in the spirit it was intended to be watched then you will be amused and entertained. It’s absolutely the most ridiculous killer beastie movie that I’ve watched in quite some time and yet it’s also absolutely the most fun. By any normal standards this would be lucky to get a 2/10 from sane people. For me, shameless as ever, I am giving it a 6 and I was sorely tempted to go for a 7 but realised that I do want people to one day listen to, and grudgingly respect, my opinions.
DIRECTOR: DECLAN O’BRIEN
CAST: ERIC ROBERTS, SARA MALAKUL LANE, KEREM BURSIN, SHARKTOPUS
DURATION: 84 MINS APPROX
*Duration was estimated from my SyFy Channel viewing minus the ad breaks, no information was available elsewhere at this time. Nobody cares except me, let’s face it.