Jean Luc Godard once said “Film is truth, 24 frames per second.” Now, I don’t know what that means, but I do know it’s wrong. Film cannot be truth, because it’s made of film, and truth is made of emotions or something. I also don’t know who Jean Luc Godard is, or what 24 frames have to do with it, as frames are usually found in Asda, for pictures and photos to sit in.
Although, actually, films are made of pictures, aren’t they? So maybe that’s what he meant, in which case, he’s very clever, even if he’s from somewhere that isn’t where I’m from.
So, what, in fact, is a film?
Well, it’s a thing you go to see when it’s too early to see it on tv. It even comes out before the dvd. And it costs three times as much as watching it for free, which is really stupid. Unless it has nudity in it.
But not every film does.
“Bambi” didn’t.
Neither did “Spaceballs” and that has ‘balls’ in the title.
Welcome to FLIM WEAKLY.
This week, the film I watched won an Oscar even though it doesn’t have Meryl Streep in it, because it’s about men, and Meryl Streep isn’t a man, although it wouldn’t surprise me if she ended up playing one anyway.
Call Me By Your Name
This film is about a boy who has sex with a girl, but then gets confused, so sleeps with a man instead. Then he gets even more confused and has sex with a piece of fruit, but it isn’t funny like when that dude had sex with the pie in the Pie Sex movie.
Anyway, the boy and the man get on really well, until the man goes away and the boy gets all sad because he can’t do the sex anymore. But his bearded father says its ok and then he cries in front of some fire, I think because of the fruit, which is probably really acidic and stings when he sticks his dick in it.
Marks out of 10….
10.
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Because they aren’t that stupid.
