Flim Weakly Review- Jurassic Park
Jean Luc Godard once said “Film is truth, 24 frames per second.” Now, I don’t know what that means, but I do know it’s wrong. Film cannot be truth, because it’s made of film, and truth is made of emotions or something. I also don’t know who Jean Luc Godard is, or what 24 frames have to do with it, as frames are usually found in Asda, for pictures and photos to sit in.
Although, actually, films are made of pictures, aren’t they? So maybe that’s what he meant, in which case, he’s very clever, even if he’s from somewhere that isn’t where I’m from.
So, what, in fact, is a film?
Well, it’s a thing you go to see when it’s too early to see it on tv. It even comes out before the dvd. And it costs three times as much as watching it for free, which is really stupid. Unless it has nudity in it.
But not every film does.
Neither did “Spaceballs” and that has ‘balls’ in the title.
Welcome to FLIM WEAKLY.
This week, I wasn’t allowed to go and see Fallen Kingdom, because I’m not allowed back to that cinema, after the “incident”, so I re-watched…
David Attenborough brings dinosaurs back using science and puts them on a magical island that has as many big fences as it has trees and looks like Disneyland. Then the science goes wrong because dinosaurs don’t like big fences, or humans, or Disneyland probably, so destroy absolutely everything over the course of 90 minutes, because that’s what happens in real life.
A guy in leather says I told you so, while Sam Neil wears an Indiana Jones types hat and Laura Dern wears a shocked gape. There’s a funny bit where a fat guy dies, another funny bit where a skinny guy dies and a totally unfunny bit where neither of the kids die. Jules from “Pulp Fiction” is the only black guy on the island, and therefore is totally screwed.
Marks out of 10…
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Because they aren’t that stupid.