Jean Luc Godard once said “Film is truth, 24 frames per second.” Now, I don’t know what that means, but I do know it’s wrong. Pet Sematary cannot be truth, because it’s made of film, and truth is made of emotions or something. I also don’t know who Jean Luc Godard is, or what 24 frames have to do with it, as frames are usually found in Asda, for pictures and photos to sit in.
Although, actually, films are made of pictures, aren’t they? So maybe that’s what he meant, in which case, he’s very clever, even if he’s from somewhere that isn’t where I’m from.
So, what, in fact, is a film?
Well, it’s a thing you go to see when it’s too early to see it on tv. It even comes out before the dvd. And it costs three times as much as watching it for free, which is really stupid. Unless it has nudity in it.
But not every film does.
Neither did “Spaceballs” and that has ‘balls’ in the title.
Welcome to FLIM WEAKLY.
This week, I watched the dead pets film, because I have never had a pet, or been dead.
A stupid family move into a house in the middle of nowhere, right next to the shittest road in America.
The Mum is all about drama because she killed her sister with a kitchen tray or something, while the Dad is bland and the kids are small versions of them.
They also have a cat who stops living, so the creepy next door neighbour says “It’s allright” and the family are like “Really?” and he’s all “Yeah, bury it in the garden where all the other dead things go and it’ll come right back, good as new, mate.”
Then the cat comes back. The very next day. The cat comes back. They thought it was gone.
Then the smallest of the kids stops living too, because a truck told it to die, and they just think “No problem, we’ll do a cat sequel” and they do.
Then the kid comes back. But he’s brain wrong, which you would be if you came back dead.
Wasn’t for me, I’ll be honest. And it was nowhere near as good as The Secret Life Of Pets, which this film is totally not, because it isn’t.
Marks out of 10….
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Because they aren’t that stupid.