Flim Weakly Review- Red Sparrow
Nudity, confusion, espionage. His typical Friday night.
Jean Luc Godard once said “Film is truth, 24 frames per second.” Now, I don’t know what that means, but I do know it’s wrong. Red Sparrow cannot be truth, because it’s made of film, and truth is made of emotions or something. I also don’t know who Jean Luc Godard is, or what 24 frames have to do with it, as frames are usually found in Asda, for pictures and photos to sit in.
Although, actually, films are made of pictures, aren’t they? So maybe that’s what he meant, in which case, he’s very clever, even if he’s from somewhere that isn’t where I’m from.
So, what, in fact, is a film?
Well, it’s a thing you go to see when it’s too early to see it on tv. It even comes out before the dvd. And it costs three times as much as watching it for free, which is really stupid. Unless it has nudity in it.
But not every film does.
Neither did “Spaceballs” and that has ‘balls’ in the title.
Welcome to FLIM WEAKLY.
This week, my mum went out, so I watched a grown up film.
The girl from X-Men that wasn’t Michael Fassbender turns white and goes to live in Russia, where Russian things are happening. She’s a dancer for a bit, but she’s a bit shit at it and gets stood on, which makes her leg go crunch.
She goes to spy school, or something, and shows her boobs, which I think means she is a good spy, because if you’re spying on someone and you don’t want them to know you’re spying on them, being naked would be a brilliant distraction, especially if you look like her. Anyway, she shows her boobs and the Russians go OK and then she starts walking slowly through lots of really nice hotel corridors. And shows her bum off a lot.
She gets caught by the bad guys and twatted with a big stick for a while, probably for showing her bum a lot, but she’s not bothered.
Her Uncle’s a bit of a nonce and she gets him done, then she lives happily ever after.
There are no actual sparrows in the film, though, which was a bit of a plot hole.
Marks out of 10..
Disclaimer: The views and opinions on Red Sparrow are those of the author and do not reflect the views and opinions of FlickFeast or any of its affiliates.
Because they aren’t that stupid.