Wednesday, August 17, 2022
flickfeast
  • News
  • Reviews
  • Festivals
  • FrightFeast
  • Spotlight
  • Contribute
  • Submissions
    • Advertise on Flickfeast
    • Submit a Film
No Result
View All Result
flickfeast
  • News
  • Reviews
  • Festivals
  • FrightFeast
  • Spotlight
  • Contribute
  • Submissions
    • Advertise on Flickfeast
    • Submit a Film
No Result
View All Result
FLICKFEAST
No Result
View All Result
Home Spotlight

Flim Weakly Review Special- Cannes 2019 Diary: Part Three

Chris Wyatt by Chris Wyatt
June 27, 2019
in Spotlight
Flim Weakly Review Special- Cannes 2019 Diary
14
SHARES
1.4k
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Disclaimer: Flickfeast would like to make it known that at no point did we commission, or indeed assign, for Chris Wyatt to attend the Cannes Film Festival on our behalf. He makes repeated mentioning to this fact, but he is mistaken. On many levels. All Flickfeast can tell its readers is that two days ago, we received multiple pages of a broken Filofax, upon which was written the following diary entries by Mr. Wyatt. We are publishing these in the hope that it will discourage Mr. Wyatt from ever writing for us again.

Flim Weakly: Cannes Film Festival Diary Part Two

You might also like

100 Greatest Movies (and 50 Honorable Mentions)

65 Million Years in the Making – Jurassic Park

Pirates Of The Caribbean 6 Without Johnny Depp Is For The Best

Flickfeast: At this point, notes become fractured, but not in an interesting, Hunter S. Thompson type way, but in the way that one might find a notebook in a serial killer’s house, after they’ve been captured.

Day….I don’t know, 10?, May 23rd

I tried to get into Brad Pitt’s party, but the security don’t accept my press credentials, which I don’t have, and tell me that if I try to get in again, they will put my head up my ass. I don’t think this is physically possible, so I try to get in again and then things go weirdly dark.

Day 11

I wake up with a sore head. And ass.

Day 12: Final Day

It’s too hot here, and frankly, I’m sick of all these people, so since its my last day, I queue to get into what I think is the new Tarantino film, but which turns out to be a queue for a really expensive toilet.

Since I don’t have any money left, I decide to give it a miss.

Apparently they give out prizes for all this, at the end of the day, but it doesn’t really seem that important, and anyway, Love Island is on tonight on ITV, and I figure if I hurry, I can make it back to London in time to watch it, unless Mum is watching Midsomer Murders on ITV3, which always shows the same episodes over and over and it was probably the posh woman that did it anyway.

I get on a nearby bus and tell the driver I want to go to London. He looks at me like I have something on my face, but tells me to take a seat anyway and I’m pretty sure he knows where he’s going, because drivers know the way to everywhere, otherwise they wouldn’t do it for a living.

I watch Netflix on my phone for about three hours, until my phone runs out of charge. The bus doesn’t have any charging points.

FML.

Three Days Later

I didn’t get home in time for Love Island. And Flickfeast hasn’t responded to any of my calls, so I guess I’ll just stick this in the post and hope they know how to put it on the computer net.

If I could sum up Cannes in three words it would be: hot, rude, dogs and flim.

Looking forward to next year.

Tags: Awardscannes 2019chris wyattday whateverdiaryFestival de CannesFilmsFlim Weakly Review
Chris Wyatt

Chris Wyatt

Chris Wyatt bombarded FlickFeast with emails until they gave in and let him provide his unique, alternative opinion in a weekly column. He has no training or education within the film industry, knows little of cinema in general and may, in fact, still live with his mother. He does, however, inform us that he knows how an 'internet' works. @flimguywyatt

Related Posts

Top 100 Greatest Movies Films
Spotlight

100 Greatest Movies (and 50 Honorable Mentions)

by David Barwinski
June 8, 2022
Jurassic Park - 65 Million Years in the Making
Spotlight

65 Million Years in the Making – Jurassic Park

by Cara McWilliam
May 4, 2022
Pirates Of The Caribbean 6 Without Johnny Depp Is For The Best
Spotlight

Pirates Of The Caribbean 6 Without Johnny Depp Is For The Best

by Ryan Northrup
April 30, 2022
Belfast
Spotlight

Life Through the Lens of a Child

by Cara McWilliam
April 25, 2022
The Academy Awards Have Never Been Relevant
Spotlight

The Academy Awards Have Never Been Relevant

by David Barwinski
April 14, 2022

Recommended

Streeps Ahead – Top Ten Films of Meryl Streep

Streeps Ahead – Top Ten Films of Meryl Streep

April 13, 2020
Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman to Close BFI London Film Festival 2019

Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman to Close BFI London Film Festival 2019

August 6, 2019

Don't miss it

EIFF 2022: Flux Gourmet (2022) – Film Review
Festivals

EIFF 2022: Flux Gourmet (2022) – Film Review

August 16, 2022
EIFF 2022: Special Delivery (2021) – Film Review
Festivals

EIFF 2022: LOLA (2022) – Film Review

August 15, 2022
EIFF 2022: Millie Lies Low (2021) – Film Review
Festivals

EIFF 2022: Millie Lies Low (2021) – Film Review

August 15, 2022
The Feast (2022) – Film Review
Film Review

The Feast (2022) – Film Review

August 16, 2022
EIFF 2022: Resurrection (2022) – Film Review
Festivals

EIFF 2022: Resurrection (2022) – Film Review

August 14, 2022
EIFF 2022: Aftersun (2022) – Film Review
Festivals

EIFF 2022: Aftersun (2022) – Film Review

August 13, 2022
flickfeast

Whetting your appetite for cinema with the best film reviews and features since 2009

© Copyright - flickfeast. All Rights Reserved.

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
  • Reviews
  • Festivals
  • FrightFeast
  • Spotlight
  • Contribute

© Copyright - flickfeast. All Rights Reserved.

Posting....