Flim Weakly Review: Star Wars Special- The Phantom Menace

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Jean Luc Godard once said “Film is truth, 24 frames per second.” Now, I don’t know what that means, but I do know it’s wrong. Star Wars Episode 1:The Phantom Menace cannot be truth, because it’s made of film, and truth is made of emotions or something. I also don’t know who Jean Luc Godard is, or what 24 frames have to do with it, as frames are usually found in Asda, for pictures and photos to sit in.

Although, actually, films are made of pictures, aren’t they? So maybe that’s what he meant, in which case, he’s very clever, even if he’s from somewhere that isn’t where I’m from.

So, what, in fact, is a film?

Well, it’s a thing you go to see when it’s too early to see it on tv. It even comes out before the dvd. And it costs three times as much as watching it for free, which is really stupid. Unless it has nudity in it.

But not every film does.

“Bambi” didn’t.

Neither did “Spaceballs” and that has ‘balls’ in the title.

Welcome to FLIM WEAKLY.

This week, everyone is talking about Star Wars, which is just like Star Trek, except it isn’t, because when you say it is, the internet goes tits. Anyway, in honour of the new film coming out, I have decided to do a marathon of ALL of the Star films, over the next few weeks. I’ve started at the first one, which is actually the fourth one, even though it was made ages after the first one which is really the fourth one, even though it came first, which this one didn’t.

Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace

Two guys in bathrobes break their spaceship and land in the Sahara, I think.

They steal a small boy and go into space. One of them is that dude from Fargo who was two people and the other one is Irish.

Anyway, the small boy is special or something and everyone thinks he’s a big deal, because they can ‘feel it’, which is a bit nonce, really.

There’s a Rasta lizard thing with big ears who’s a bit of a prick. There’s some guff about trades and lego blockades and then a princess, played by the girl from Black Swan who was a lesbian, gets dressed up a lot and a dude with a massive red stick fights the dudes with bathrobes and then space wins, but doesn’t.


Marks out of 10….

4.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace are those of the author and do not reflect the views and opinions of FlickFeast or any of its affiliates.

Because they aren’t that stupid.

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