5 Reasons Why The Purple-Haired, Caped-Crusader is way more kick-ass than Kick-Ass…
Having already watched Kick-Ass twice at the cinema I can confirm that the controversial comic book character Hit Girl is my new personal hero. For those of you who have managed to avoid looking at buses and billboards for the past six weeks, Kick-Ass is the latest cinematic adventure effort from writer/director duo Matthew Vaughn and Jane (“Jonathon Ross’s Missis”) Goldman. They are swiftly becoming a film-goers’ dream pairing as they do just a good a job of playing around with comic book convention in Kick-Ass as they did playing around with fantasy convention in Stardust.
My one small gripe, and I have been reprimanded heavily for this criticism; sadly nobody seems to agree with me, is that the film I really wanted to see was one entitled “Hit Girl.” Kick-Ass is likeable enough and is the character that the target audience, comic book geeks, can most readily identify with but I couldn’t help but feel that Hit Girl was a more captivating character.
To prove, or at the very least argue, my point I’ve put together a little homage to Hit Girl stating the top 5 reasons why she’s way more kick-ass than Kick-Ass.
Reason Number 1: She’s got the look. Some people might find it perverse to see an 11 year old clad top-to-toe in skin-tight leather donning a bondage mask and a purple wig that she clearly borrowed from some hooker friend she hasn’t told her daddy about – but not I. I see it as a visual statement about the way in which society, and indeed the media, sexualises girls from a young age and as a, slightly derogatory, nod and a wink to comic book fans who, at least to some extent, have to admit that such texts are somewhat over-sexed to cater for their readership who, stereotypically, aren’t getting any. I’ll concede that I’m a little bit obsessed with brightly coloured hair on the whole but I still believe it a testament to the skills of Hit Girl’s stylist that I came out of the pictures desperate to check the prices of purple wigs at all the leading internet outlets.
Reason Number 2: The kid can trash talk. I know it’s wrong to find it frickin’ hilarious when kids use the “F” and the “C” word matter of factly, but what can I say? In the words of Dido: I’m no angel.” In addition to her frequent bouts of blue language, Hit Girl comes out with such classic lines as:
“Ah dude, that is one gay-looking taser.”
“Contact the mayor’s office, he has a special signal he shines in the sky. It’s in the shape of a giant cock.”
“I’m just f**king with you daddy…I’d like a bench made model 42 butterfly knife.”
Reason Number 3: She does the walking up the wall thing. And she’s got a plethora of other cool moves too. From the way she handles a sword it’s clear to me that she’s actually B.B. Kiddo’s long, lost sister and, really, what could be cooler than that? She doesn’t faint at the sight of blood and she’s not averse to being shot in the chest. In short: she’s the ultimate fighting machine…or at least she will be when she’s actually tall enough to punch people in the face.
Reason Number 4: She has the best backing tracks. What better theme tune could there be to maiming mutilation and massacre than the Banana Splits song? Genius juxtaposition if ever there was any. Her shooting spree to Bad Reputation by Joan Jett also had my full attention. Given the subsequent controversy over the carnage Hit Girl wreaks on screen I think it a rather fitting overture.
Reason Number 5: She’s a crafty little minx. It’s fantastic to see a character so young who is also so deliciously deceptive. Don’t be fooled by those pigtails. If you get in her way she’ll have a gun in your mouth faster than you can say “What a douche!” She’s the comeback for every kid in every movie that got eaten by that shark, ambushed by aliens, stalked by a slasher or abused by their prison guard / weird uncle / negligent parent. It’s payback time for the prepubescents and I don’t think there is a more pleasing embodiment for that, long awaited, vengeance than a purple-haired vigilante school girl…is there?