I love many bad movies, I love many that are entertainingly bad (such as the ones listed here) and I love ones that make it more of an endurance test for me. But, occasionally, even I get pushed to my limits. The following 10 movies took me to breaking point so be afraid . . . . . . . be very afraid.
10) Black Christmas (2006) – I was never the biggest fan of the original, being more of a Halloween fanboy all the way, but this dire remake (from a director I used to love) made me appreciate it a lot more. It’s awful, just awful.
9) The Room (2003) – Tommy Wiseau’s magnus opus is like watching a gory car crash involving two vans packed full of clowns. You shouldn’t look and there’s plenty you don’t ever want to see but dammit it’s also distastefully funny.
8 ) The Pacifier (2005) – Vin Diesel tries to do what Schwarzenegger did in Kindergarten Cop. He fails spectacularly.
7) The Gingerdead Man (2005) – I was expecting some fun and nonsense a la Jack Frost but this was even worse. My, how Gary Busey has fallen. Inept in every way and about as much fun as being tied to a bed in a room full of rabid badgers.
6) Stagknight (2007) – the kind of movie they stick on ZoneHorror late at night that gives ZoneHorror a bad name. Sandra Dickinson appears when she really shouldn’t and nobody should ever have to endure this.
5) Snakes On A Train (2006) – while I was waiting for the glut of animal/vehicle movies along with everyone else (bees on a bus, kangaroos in a campervan, lizards on a learjet, etc) I was not waiting for this movie. It appeared. I watched it. My IQ actually dropped by 20 points between the start of the film and the ludicrous ending.
4) Reflections In The Mud (2009) – never heard of this one? Good. Trust me, forget you ever saw this title here. It makes the criminal, unforgiveable error of being utterly, utterly boring throughout.
3) Manos: The Hands Of Fate (1966) – or, to translate it for you, Hands: The Hands Of Fate. Almost as well-known amongst bad movie connoisseurs as Plan 9 From Outer Space, this film almost raises an unintentional chuckle or two in places but it’s certainly not worth checking out unless you’re a closet sadomasochist (as I must be).
2) Lisa, Lisa AKA Axe (1977) – one of the many movies banned during the notorious “video nasty” period, it’s only worth banning to save the health of anyone stupid enough to watch it. Like myself. Poor acting, no decent gore and just a snoozefest that overstays it’s welcome despite being little over an hour in length.
1) Transmorphers (2007) – good ol’ Asylum, creator of the finest “mockbusters”. I have actually enjoyed a few of their movies so don’t always shake with fear when sitting down to another of their offerings. My spidey sense should have warned me off this one. Damn faulty spidey sense.
And that’s it for now. I’m sure there are many, many other stinkers out there but I hope you find some here that you agree with (it kind of gets my goat when I see people list the likes of Jason X or even, good grief, any of the Lord Of The Rings movies as the worst ever simply because they disliked them) and please warn others before it’s too late.
